Badass Superhero Caregiver - Introduction
“Only when we face the impossible, and experience the unbearable, do we find out who we truly are.”
― Vironika Tugaleva
BADASS SUPERHERO CAREGIVER – INTRODUCTION
· WHO AM I
Hi, I’m Micki Jean LaVres. I’m a writer and a full-time family caregiver. Thank you for visiting my new blog, BADASS SUPERHERO CAREGIVER
Just so you know, I write the way I talk, so don’t expect anything fancy. I don’t use big words and flowery phrases. I just say things the way I think, and that’s the way I share them with you. You can expect genuine feelings shared in a down-to-earth way, coming from a real woman telling true-life stories. That’s it. Oh, and there may be an occasion when I use four-letter words.
I am a Badass Superhero Caregiver. I’m an expert in my field. I’ve been doing this caregiving gig for over thirty-one years (that’s half my life), and I know a lot about how to keep another human being alive while keeping myself healthy as well. My husband, Frank, who was my boyfriend at the time, broke his neck in a motocross accident in 1990, which left him paralyzed from the chest down. We were both thirty-one years old – young, beautiful, healthy, happy, and deeply in love – when suddenly, without warning – BAM – our lives changed drastically, forever. Shortly after Frank’s accident, I decorated the back of his wheelchair with buttons to give it a personal, humorous vibe. My favorite button said, “SHIT HAPPENS.” After spending six months as a full-time caregiver, I wanted to replace that button with another that I felt better depicted our situation, but I couldn’t find a button that said, “WE’RE FUCKED.”
· WHAT TO EXPECT
I promise you true stories told with bold honesty and humor, lots of humor; stories about the hospital, recovery, rehabilitation, family dynamics, religion, spirituality, nursing care, doctor visits, transportation, accessibility, or maybe just something that made me laugh while waiting in line at the grocery store. Oh! I just thought of a great story when a Target staff member thought Frank was using his wheelchair to shoplift. You’ll like that one!
In my writing, I strive to build people up to help them see their strengths while focusing on the good stuff. Of course, there are times when we all need a hug or a gentle shoulder on which to cry. I understand that because I’ve been there. I spent enough time in the dark place of despair to know I didn’t like it. It’s okay if you feel the urge to visit that dark place, but don’t stay too long. Instead, let’s focus on your strength and power and get you back into the light. Even amid adversity, you are in control of your thoughts and your life. Sometimes you need to be tough to be a badass superhero!
· WHAT’S DIFFERENT ABOUT ME
You may be wondering if a Badass Superhero ever has bad days. Hell yes, I do. I spent the first two years after Frank’s accident crying every day, sometimes several times a day. It’s hard letting go of your dreams and accepting that life will never be what you planned. I’ve walked out the door in the middle of the night in my pajamas just to be alone, so I could scream at the top of my lungs because the pressure of life seemed too tremendous. I’ve locked all the doors, closed the shades, shut off the phone, and sat alone because I was too depressed to interact with one solitary soul. Sure, I have bad days just like everybody else, days when I wish things could be different, days when I feel like giving up, but I don’t. I don’t let it stop me. After my tears, or my scream, or my alone time in the dark, I take a deep breath, force myself to find something to be grateful for, and just keep going. That’s what makes me who I am, and that’s what I want to share with you.
Adversity comes in all different shapes and sizes, and it affects each person in a very personal way. There’s no magic spell to get through it (I wish there were. I’d like that spell, please.) Sometimes it’s just a matter of picking yourself up, standing tall, putting one foot in front of the other, and doing what you must do, whether you want to or not.
· WHY BLOG?
I feel like I need to make this experience count. In the beginning, right after the accident, my mind kept trying to make sense of it. Thoughts bombarded me. There has to be a reason for this. Things like this just don’t happen to me. This can’t be true. Despair forced me to dig deep into my soul, deeper than I ever wanted to go, and I’ve uncovered truths that I never expected to find. The truth is, without this devastating accident that broke Frank’s neck, I would not be the person I am today because no one awakens in their comfort zone. I’ve learned that adversity forces you to go beyond the physical body and the thinking mind to a place where you meet your true self, the soul beneath the skin. This catastrophe is what brought me to awakening, awareness, consciousness, enlightenment – whatever you want to call it – and I’m using that shift to make this experience count.
I believe that the purpose of life, for all of us, is to bring consciousness into this dimension. After sixty-two trips around the sun, with thirty of those years as a full-time family caregiver, I think I’m ready to play my small role in bringing that consciousness about. I’m ready to speak my truth and share everything I learned as I went through all the stages of grief, the initial shock, denial, bargaining, guilt, anger, depression, and finally, acceptance. And the coolest part is what happened after I finally accepted the circumstances. I learned that unhappiness cannot survive if you completely accept it. There are times that I still daydream about the life we had planned, but somewhere along the way, I learned to accept this life, believe there is a purpose, and like any Badass Superhero, I will make it count.
Thanks for reading my first blog post. I hope you come back for more. Feel free to leave your comments below or contact me through my website, www.BadassSuperheroCaregiver.com
Be a Badass Superhero, whatever you do in life!