Fear is Optional
He was thirty-one years old and incredibly strong and healthy when my boyfriend broke his neck in a motocross accident which left him paralyzed from the chest down.
When Frank was discharged from the hospital five months later, I assumed the role of full-time caregiver. Two years after that, we were married, and I continued to be his caregiver from that day forward. This life-changing event was the start of my journey to a new awareness.
RECEIVING GUIDANCE
In the beginning, I clung to my Christian beliefs, praying earnestly for guidance, pleading for comfort, and struggling to believe that Frank would once again walk by my side. Despite my begging, he never walked again, but I did receive guidance.
One time in the hospital parking lot, a random stranger approached me. “I don’t know if your boyfriend will ever walk again, but I know he loves you, and you can live a life of contentment together,” he said. This was precise information he could not have known.
On several occasions I received comfort and direction from a calm persuasive voice that was not my own: You can do this. He needs you. I will take care of you.
Most astonishing of all, one morning, as I sat in my car sobbing, a glorious bright light emanating unconditional love surrounded me. It’s true—all these miraculous signs, but still, I was afraid. I was afraid of the future, of the unknown, and of God’s disappointment should I doubt him.
SEEKING TRUTH
Years went by. My faith was a tether of safety but a shackle in terms of freedom. I felt there was more to know, but my religious beliefs blocked me from seeking a deeper truth. Finally, after years of religiosity, I made a bold decision. If I could not find the answers in the Bible, I would find them elsewhere.
I started reading everything I could find on ‘new thought’ and metaphysical teachings. These new philosophies, which I never heard from a church pulpit, fascinated me. My search for the truth continued with fervor, despite my concern that these unfamiliar beliefs could somehow be dangerous to my relationship with The God I leaned on for so long.
AWARENESS
Then, one day, while having lunch with an enlightened friend, she asked me a question. “How are you doing?” As I contemplated the answer to this simple question, something amazing happened. I sensed a calm wave of loving energy, starting in my heart space and slowly sweeping through my entire body. From somewhere deep inside, a fog was clearing, my mind waking from a dream. My friend sat quietly watching me, waiting for an answer, as I struggled to understand what was happening.
Then it hit me, a profound moment of clarity forcing words of conviction from my mouth. “I don’t have to be afraid anymore!” Finally, I understood. God would not punish me for anything I did or did not do. I would not be forsaken or spend eternity in Hell. There is no judgment, only love. All the fear that gripped me so tightly seemed to evaporate in a mist as I became aware of the truth. There is nothing to fear. Challenges are real, but fear is optional.